Atheism Queries - Scary Stuff

It's been a little over a month since I posted my advice for religious parents with atheist children and I've already gotten a few frightening (and strange) search queries bringing traffic to the post. This represents just a small fraction of what people are actually searching for out there in the world. There seems to be a lot of general concern about having atheist children. Fortunately a great deal didn't add any negative sentiments to their search queries. However, a few did. And some searches were downright crazy.

atheists cant grow boobs

What? If I do this search, I get a forum post on GoodReads talking about better book titles. I'm hoping they're referencing this, but who knows?

how to deal with a child that thinks they are atheist

Thinks they're atheist? Wouldn't they know? It's their belief. Also, the presumption that the child should be dealt with for their belief is evil enough.

how do i make my kids not atheist

This ridiculous search came from Marysville, Ohio. I don't even know what to say about it.

i hate my som for being atheist

This search came from the Philippines. I can't imagine what he was hoping to find. It sounded like he just wanted someone to talk to, and that someone he turned to was Google. I hope Google told him he's an asshole.

should i punish my child atheist

Only if they do something wrong.
These seemed to be popular in Ohio for some reason. Also the Philippines.